Learning to Breath Again

I stopped breathing today. At least it stopped being easy. Each breath feels like a rendering of my chest in two. My world stopped today. In one instant everything collapsed in my head. I would not have been surprised if I had walked outside and no one was moving about. Stores should have been closed, events cancelled, talking ceased.

And yet, everyone else seemed to keep moving, keep breathing. My kids kept talking and asking and wanting. The dishes were still dirty, the laundry still piled, the phone still ringing. Didn't anyone realize that it was over, that I couldn't breath, that I was drowning?

It is horribly and astonishingly clear that ones own person tragedy is just that, ones own. Life for everyone goes on, even my life is moving. In my mind it has all ceased, everything looks, feels, sounds, tastes different. Yet everyone else is still moving, breathing....

I cry out to God. His world stopped once. When his Son suffered on that tree, spilled his blood for me. God even stopped the sun from shining when his tragedy occurred. Why couldn't I stop something for even a breath, a breath I couldn't even draw. Even the tears won't stop.

Teach me Lord God to breath, in and out. Fill me with your breath, I can't do it, can't find it, no strength...in and out...