Failures of a princess

If you look at the time this post was written, you can see that it is the wee hours of the morn. I am just home from work with a heavy heart. I spent some time in the bosses office, so to say. All the details not withstanding, the point of it all is this, I am not who I want to be.

The Bible tells me that I am a child of the king, a princess. I am striving to have the worth of rubies. Right now I feel like a failure at everything. I try really hard!!! I fail a lot. It's hard juggling work and home life. I don't get to spend the time with the kids I want. I'm not the wife and mother I dreamed of being. I have far less patience than I should. I frustrate easily. I used to think that at work I handled things pretty well. Lately several issues have called me to reevaluate my thinking. God is growing me at work, I can't say I like it.

I feel defeated, satan wants me to think that no matter how hard I try I will never be more like Christ. I look back and know that is not the truth. I am growing to be more like Christ. Right now though, I want to quit. Why can't I learn to fly into the arms of Jesus with my feelings, my frustration, and leave it go? I spew forth a lot when I get upset and leave a path of destruction. That is not what happened at work but I'm feeling all of my failures now.

Okay girl, pull yourself together. All the way home I rehearsed my issues, my problems and weaknesses, it's time to give it over.

I confess God that I don't make good decisions, I don't keep my mouth shut like I should. I love my family, and I really love the people I work with. I need your help to love my job because the stress is awful and I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle for honesty and accountability. God, grant me strength and wisdom to know when to act and speak and when to leave it at your feet. Help me to forgive the hurts I'm nursing, especially the one against myself. Give me focus to pour love into people and blind me to the small faults in all of us that don't really matter. I want to be a good example of your love. Forgive me for failing you lately. Thank you for giving me the strength to be honest tonight even though others weren't and I came out looking bad.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14.

God you love me where I am, and thankfully, you also love me to much to leave me there.